Tantrums

I'd like to say I have the solution. Experts would like to say they have the solution. Supernanny would even like to show you she has the solution. Okay, Supernanny probably does.

However....

I've never met a child like my son.

*smack on the head*

What was I thinking? "Yay! A boy! A sweet, loving, momma's boy!"

God laughed.

I have a little boy that puckers his lips to kiss you and when you are 1/2 an inch from his face...he runs away.
I have a little boy that yells back at you. If you don't yell at him, he stares at you, as if a contest. Once you move to beat his ass appropriately punish him; he runs. He hits Mom, Dad, Big sisters. If he is hit back; he laughs. He is put in timeout. He screams or just sits there. After a few minutes, he comes out and hits you just to prove that you didn't do a damn bit of good.

*sigh*

What was I thinking?

Both of my girls were drastically different. Like night and day. I didn't figure there could be a third 'type.' I just assumed my boy would be a doll. Well. You know what they say about assuming. Rhiannon never really threw a tantrum. When she did get upset, she was sent to her room and told she could come out when she was done crying. Before we knew it, she was done crying and playing and keeping herself entertained. Kayla did a lot of screaming. She would be sent to her room, didn't work. Finally we learned with her that if we put her in a corner it worked a bit better. She grew out of it quickly.

This boy is STRONG WILLED.

He's my karma, ya know? When I was a teenager I had a little sister that did a whole lot of screaming. Tantrum throwing. I blamed my mother. She obviously didn't know what the hell she was doing and obviously spoiling my sister.

*ahem*

Sorry Mom.

I am firm. Consistent. Loving. Kind. Stern. Scary. None of it is working. I really hope he just grows out of it.

Okay, now that I have that off my chest, I have to admit that I started this blog and then really wasn't sure if I should keep it going. Well, I decided that I would. I'll only post once a week, but it will be here. Spread the love. :0)

Failure

Failure

It's the hardest thing to learn and the hardest thing to teach. It's inevitable that one day our children will fail at something. It's inevitable that one day, we will fail them. Yes. Inevitable.

My six year old, Princess Kayla, has the hardest time with losing games. It's all about having fun until someone else wins. :0) Do you have this child?

My ten year old is experiencing her first taste of failures at school. (Oh Lordy!) It's really hard for me as a mom to balance out the "do your best" with the "If you don't pass school, I'm gonna kill you!" emotions. The main reason is because as parents we don't want to accept that our children might fail. At anything.

They will. Prepare yourself now.

But so will you. So have I. I have had that sneaking, haunting suspicion that when I didn't take the opportunity to sit my child down daily to do extra homework....I failed her. When I stopped playing games out of frustration of having to console and explain each and every time that losing is part of playing and playing is just for fun....I failed her. Every time I say "no" to something simple because of my headache/fatigue/whatever, I start to feel like a failure.

Failure is a part of life, but the thing is that we must grow and learn from it. It's hard to repeat, but I do. I constantly tell my children that if they fail, they must try again and change the outcome. There has to be a change, regardless of what it is that they fail at.

So, if you are feeling like a failure, get used to it. :0) And then change something. Even if the only thing  you change is your attitude. We can't all be perfect all the time. Right? This applies to parenthood too.

I'll Never

Do you remember this fun game?

"I'll never tell my child something as stupid as this hurts me more than it hurts you."
"I'll never spank my kids."
"I'll never let my child go to bed without dinner."
"I'll never ground my kids."

*ahem*

The first time I spanked my daughter, I cried. Literally. I walked out of the bedroom and cried. Despite the fact that previous to the spanking I had used every other possible parenting technique and she had so quietly, stubbornly and kindly refused to do as I had asked for over an hour and my head was trying to detach itself from my neck, I cried like a freakin' baby. My daughter? Sat on her bed and continued to not clean her room.

Obviously-I've spanked my kids. See previous story. Honestly, I don't spank my kids as often as I have thought of spanking my kids. I truly die a little bit inside. No matter how much of an asshole they were.

When you have a kid that goes from eating everything to eating nothing, you worry. Like all things in parenthood. Another worry. So you take little angel child to the doctor. Angel child is just fine, being stubborn. Encourage blah blah blah. You notice angel child is manipulating your worrying into eating whatever the hell the little brat wants. Now it's time to put your foot down. Go to bed without dinner.

My 10 year old princess is possibly grounded for the rest of her natural life. If it's  a short life. Seriously. 10?? With the stubborn ness of a bull bred donkey. Yeah, kind of gross-but she is honestly stubborn. And here's the really frustrating thing. She's sneaky about it. She acts as if she's perfect and done everything that you've asked her to do and school is great and homework is done and ...... it's all a lie. And yes...apparently I did this all the time to my mother. 

The thing is that we as parents are doing what we can at the time whatever mini crisis hits. Sometimes it's really hard to see flaws in our children, especially when they are a lot like our own. Ya know? My advice is to forget all the "I nevers" and keep doing your best. Yes, I think time-outs are great-not for my son. They work for about ten minutes after the fact, if I'm lucky. It seemed to work well for my girls. Not much anymore. Now it's on to losing privileges and being ... you guessed it...grounded.

What are your "I'll nevers" and have you kept to them or found out differently?

The Curse

We've all heard it at one point or another.....

"One day, you will have a child and that child will be just like you." It's also usually said through clenched teeth and sparks swirl around the head of your angry mother. These are not words to be taken lightly. Oh no, no, no. Because then, no matter what you may think, you will have a child. And said child will definitely be just like you or perhaps worse.

This is the curse. Our mothers hand it down to us at that point when they're beyond the end of the rope. They're grasping at lightning rods.

Now we are mothers/fathers. Have you uttered that sentence, yet? Have you already cursed your sweet, precious children? I have been so close. The teeth were clenched. I felt that twitch in the back of my neck. The one that makes you tilt your head sideways and envision the child/children/demon beaming out of your house. But something makes me stop.

This child/children/brat/demon is just like me and it's all my mother's fault. (I love that clause-the blame your parents clause. Because you know your children/brats are going to do it to you.)

Do I want to do that to her, yet? Is she deserving of the absolute hell I go through daily? Worrying about how well she is doing in school, is she sleeping enough? Am I making good enough dinners(think of last night's dinner and cringe..more guilt piles on top of guilt for previous worries)? Does she have friends, do I want her to have friends? Those other girls are snots. I hate those other girls. I want to strangle their cruel little necks!! Oh..where was I? She is just like me which means she probably will want to strangle them if I keep thinking this. Okay, it's all okay. Really, it's fine. Insert worries about the house, the sibling rivalry, the sibling ganging up on mom, the meal for that night and possibly twenty other things we are forgetting, which will bring us right back to guilt.

I sigh. For now, I'll keep the curse as a last resort. We haven't hit adolescence yet. That is possibly the first time those words flew from my own mother's mouth. (Uhm, thanks for that. I got three of them all like me.)

So, what is The Curse going to do to you, or already shown you?

Round of Introductions

Let me introduce you to my dysfunctional family....

This is BFF. Yes, she's wearing a shirt that says "The Lube" and making faces at me. This chick has stuck around through some pretty hard times for the last six years. Which should tell you that she is definitely and certifiably insane.

Oh, my dancing rockstar, Young Prince. He's a laugh a minute until he tells you off, screams at extremely high pitches, hits furniture and whoever may be nearby and thinks naps are for wimps. He's brought parenting to a whole new level for me.

Princess Kayla....or my tomboy. I really fought this label. Trying to be the cool anti-label, hippie cool music loving mom and all. Well, she fought back. See the princesses on the shoes? They are hand me downs from oldest princess and Kayla had a fit. The only thing that pacified her? Spiderman shoes for school....princesses for outside play. *ahem* She is the fire in our lives.

The original princess, Princess Rhiannon. My first child, she was the type of baby only dreams are made of. Seriously. She slept all night by the time she was three months old and occasionally by six weeks. Yeah, really. Okay, it took a while for her to stop crying when she learned that whole manipulation tactic at the age of nine months, but other than that....angel. Well, if you have one of those and you don't know yet....it all changes. The two year old that never touched a plug? She turned six and started putting everything in her mouth. Now she's ten and I'm not even going to start. That's a whole new post. But she's the most loving and kind person you will ever meet! Need a hug? A conversation? A picture? Princess Rhiannon is your girl.

This is a really awful picture because Princess Rhiannon was asking me how to make sure she was zoomed in and I was trying to tell her not to zoom and then...pow. Here I am. :0)

CJ (Court Jester) He's my man, my babe, my best friend, my nuisance, my polar opposite.......mostly, he's the most awesome dad ever.

Okay, now that you know my crazy family.....Check out my Friday Link....it's the Young Prince dancing. Which is totally his talent. You don't want to miss this. :0) Have a great weekend!

The Numbers Game

Before having children, I had many theories on the ways to rear them. Now I have six children and no theories.

This is possibly my favorite quote. I didn't realize this until after having my third child. The other advice that I never appreciated more until having my third child-a son. "Never have more children than there are parents." Yup. That is the honest to goodness truth.

With only one child-you still have most of your freedom. I mean, everyone wants to babysit and all the time. Especially if you luck out and your child is the only grandchild, niece/nephew, great grandchild...well, you get the point. And if they stay an only...well the jackpot gets bigger for the kid. You can still pretty much accomplish two things at once and you even find that place again where you remember to shower and brush your hair regularly. Balancing this job and child thing is pretty easy once you get the hang of it. You start to feel like a superwoman and truly believe it.

Two children are a tad more difficult to find sitters for. Though, family is still pretty resilient. You're now late everywhere and wonder what the latest dance move really means. Then you panic that you're losing 'it.' Whatever 'it' is. Don't these people have something better to do than drive you crazy with new stuff every month?! *ahem* These breakdowns are brief. You start to learn more and more of the intricate relationship between two children that are supposed to by nature love each other. Yet, the youngest seems to dominate the older one by whacking her on the head with horribly heavy objects. You have to sniff your own armpits and laundry to see if you smell, but the kids still look great.

Three children might as well doom you to a life of date nights spent in the living room. Sitters? Good luck! You can't find the remote, your right shoe, left sock or the keys to the car. Something keeps telling you there's a reason the baby is quiet and then the fight between two others takes your attention. Suddenly the fire alarm is going off, you haven't gotten dressed, the kids are still fighting and you remember that you were supposed to be at the doctor's office an hour ago.

Four children: Add more chaos and forget making appointments. Though I hear that you finally get into a schedule that includes bathing yourself. You're moving up in the hygiene area and really, really talented with the silent look that sends misbehavior scuttling to the corner.

More than: Well, you are the type of parent that I truly envy and would love to hear the occasional melt downs that surely you have. I am not going to go for personal experience with these numbers, I'll have to take your word for it that it's worth it. :0)

How many kids do you have? Who do you think has it the hardest? I want to know your honest opinions!

Warning Labels

Condoms should carry more than your standard label. There should be a short novella about parenting attached to those suckers.

"Protects against STD's and Pregnancy. Pregnancy leads to parenthood. Parenthood could cause considerable weight gain/loss, loss of sleep, strange appetites, zombie like appearance, road rage, anxiety, depression, incontinence, disruption of what you consider normal. Please use wisely."

If we did this, we wouldn't have to lie to poor young women when they actually are pregnant and say things like...
"Oh, the joys of motherhood!"
"Just wait until you hold that bundle of joy!"
"You're whole life is just going to get richer!"

Truly, it's about the joys and STRUGGLES of motherhood. And seriously, holding that squirming, sometimes screaming, red-faced and forever pooping bundle of joy is terrifying. Your life will be richer, but the bank account is going to drain into nothingness and then redline each month. Each and Every Month.

Are you wondering if I'm bitter, yet?

I'm not. I'm so in love with the three children that I have. And my life is richer and motherhood has many joys. But to be honest, how many mothers/parents are out there struggling from day to day through the hard parts and wondering if they're doing it all wrong? How many people are out there that can't admit sometimes parenting is downright joyless and hard and not at all rewarding? Why can't we admit it? Because of parenting magazines and books. Because of shows on tv that show a snippet of some wonderful parenting technique and how well they work.

As parents, we are surrounded with the belief that if we aren't perfect, we're ruining our children. We are a generation of gullible fools that buy all the guilt inducing bullshit that makes us feel like less of a parent. Okay, at least I am. And a lot of other "in the closet" miserable parents are saying the same.

So, join in and have a good time. This is a guilt free zone. I promise...no parenting books allowed