The Numbers Game

Before having children, I had many theories on the ways to rear them. Now I have six children and no theories.

This is possibly my favorite quote. I didn't realize this until after having my third child. The other advice that I never appreciated more until having my third child-a son. "Never have more children than there are parents." Yup. That is the honest to goodness truth.

With only one child-you still have most of your freedom. I mean, everyone wants to babysit and all the time. Especially if you luck out and your child is the only grandchild, niece/nephew, great grandchild...well, you get the point. And if they stay an only...well the jackpot gets bigger for the kid. You can still pretty much accomplish two things at once and you even find that place again where you remember to shower and brush your hair regularly. Balancing this job and child thing is pretty easy once you get the hang of it. You start to feel like a superwoman and truly believe it.

Two children are a tad more difficult to find sitters for. Though, family is still pretty resilient. You're now late everywhere and wonder what the latest dance move really means. Then you panic that you're losing 'it.' Whatever 'it' is. Don't these people have something better to do than drive you crazy with new stuff every month?! *ahem* These breakdowns are brief. You start to learn more and more of the intricate relationship between two children that are supposed to by nature love each other. Yet, the youngest seems to dominate the older one by whacking her on the head with horribly heavy objects. You have to sniff your own armpits and laundry to see if you smell, but the kids still look great.

Three children might as well doom you to a life of date nights spent in the living room. Sitters? Good luck! You can't find the remote, your right shoe, left sock or the keys to the car. Something keeps telling you there's a reason the baby is quiet and then the fight between two others takes your attention. Suddenly the fire alarm is going off, you haven't gotten dressed, the kids are still fighting and you remember that you were supposed to be at the doctor's office an hour ago.

Four children: Add more chaos and forget making appointments. Though I hear that you finally get into a schedule that includes bathing yourself. You're moving up in the hygiene area and really, really talented with the silent look that sends misbehavior scuttling to the corner.

More than: Well, you are the type of parent that I truly envy and would love to hear the occasional melt downs that surely you have. I am not going to go for personal experience with these numbers, I'll have to take your word for it that it's worth it. :0)

How many kids do you have? Who do you think has it the hardest? I want to know your honest opinions!

Warning Labels

Condoms should carry more than your standard label. There should be a short novella about parenting attached to those suckers.

"Protects against STD's and Pregnancy. Pregnancy leads to parenthood. Parenthood could cause considerable weight gain/loss, loss of sleep, strange appetites, zombie like appearance, road rage, anxiety, depression, incontinence, disruption of what you consider normal. Please use wisely."

If we did this, we wouldn't have to lie to poor young women when they actually are pregnant and say things like...
"Oh, the joys of motherhood!"
"Just wait until you hold that bundle of joy!"
"You're whole life is just going to get richer!"

Truly, it's about the joys and STRUGGLES of motherhood. And seriously, holding that squirming, sometimes screaming, red-faced and forever pooping bundle of joy is terrifying. Your life will be richer, but the bank account is going to drain into nothingness and then redline each month. Each and Every Month.

Are you wondering if I'm bitter, yet?

I'm not. I'm so in love with the three children that I have. And my life is richer and motherhood has many joys. But to be honest, how many mothers/parents are out there struggling from day to day through the hard parts and wondering if they're doing it all wrong? How many people are out there that can't admit sometimes parenting is downright joyless and hard and not at all rewarding? Why can't we admit it? Because of parenting magazines and books. Because of shows on tv that show a snippet of some wonderful parenting technique and how well they work.

As parents, we are surrounded with the belief that if we aren't perfect, we're ruining our children. We are a generation of gullible fools that buy all the guilt inducing bullshit that makes us feel like less of a parent. Okay, at least I am. And a lot of other "in the closet" miserable parents are saying the same.

So, join in and have a good time. This is a guilt free zone. I promise...no parenting books allowed