The Curse

We've all heard it at one point or another.....

"One day, you will have a child and that child will be just like you." It's also usually said through clenched teeth and sparks swirl around the head of your angry mother. These are not words to be taken lightly. Oh no, no, no. Because then, no matter what you may think, you will have a child. And said child will definitely be just like you or perhaps worse.

This is the curse. Our mothers hand it down to us at that point when they're beyond the end of the rope. They're grasping at lightning rods.

Now we are mothers/fathers. Have you uttered that sentence, yet? Have you already cursed your sweet, precious children? I have been so close. The teeth were clenched. I felt that twitch in the back of my neck. The one that makes you tilt your head sideways and envision the child/children/demon beaming out of your house. But something makes me stop.

This child/children/brat/demon is just like me and it's all my mother's fault. (I love that clause-the blame your parents clause. Because you know your children/brats are going to do it to you.)

Do I want to do that to her, yet? Is she deserving of the absolute hell I go through daily? Worrying about how well she is doing in school, is she sleeping enough? Am I making good enough dinners(think of last night's dinner and cringe..more guilt piles on top of guilt for previous worries)? Does she have friends, do I want her to have friends? Those other girls are snots. I hate those other girls. I want to strangle their cruel little necks!! Oh..where was I? She is just like me which means she probably will want to strangle them if I keep thinking this. Okay, it's all okay. Really, it's fine. Insert worries about the house, the sibling rivalry, the sibling ganging up on mom, the meal for that night and possibly twenty other things we are forgetting, which will bring us right back to guilt.

I sigh. For now, I'll keep the curse as a last resort. We haven't hit adolescence yet. That is possibly the first time those words flew from my own mother's mouth. (Uhm, thanks for that. I got three of them all like me.)

So, what is The Curse going to do to you, or already shown you?

Warning Labels

Condoms should carry more than your standard label. There should be a short novella about parenting attached to those suckers.

"Protects against STD's and Pregnancy. Pregnancy leads to parenthood. Parenthood could cause considerable weight gain/loss, loss of sleep, strange appetites, zombie like appearance, road rage, anxiety, depression, incontinence, disruption of what you consider normal. Please use wisely."

If we did this, we wouldn't have to lie to poor young women when they actually are pregnant and say things like...
"Oh, the joys of motherhood!"
"Just wait until you hold that bundle of joy!"
"You're whole life is just going to get richer!"

Truly, it's about the joys and STRUGGLES of motherhood. And seriously, holding that squirming, sometimes screaming, red-faced and forever pooping bundle of joy is terrifying. Your life will be richer, but the bank account is going to drain into nothingness and then redline each month. Each and Every Month.

Are you wondering if I'm bitter, yet?

I'm not. I'm so in love with the three children that I have. And my life is richer and motherhood has many joys. But to be honest, how many mothers/parents are out there struggling from day to day through the hard parts and wondering if they're doing it all wrong? How many people are out there that can't admit sometimes parenting is downright joyless and hard and not at all rewarding? Why can't we admit it? Because of parenting magazines and books. Because of shows on tv that show a snippet of some wonderful parenting technique and how well they work.

As parents, we are surrounded with the belief that if we aren't perfect, we're ruining our children. We are a generation of gullible fools that buy all the guilt inducing bullshit that makes us feel like less of a parent. Okay, at least I am. And a lot of other "in the closet" miserable parents are saying the same.

So, join in and have a good time. This is a guilt free zone. I promise...no parenting books allowed